No Running Jumps
by psycho-girl101
Summary: Jamescentric fic. “So what, you told him the truth? Well there’s a first time for everything! But it’s too late you’ve blown it all! Why don’t you do us all a favour and take a running jump off the Astronomy Tower?”   'So that is what he was going to do.'
1. A candle lost in darkness

(PS. Jamesie boy's dogs name is the same as that of one of my Terrapins!)

"James, why are you such a klutz? McGonagall will kill me if I hand this in with your freaking coffee stains on it! Oh fucking peachy, the ink's running!"

"What, Potter? If you've come to bother me again I can spare you the breath – No! And further more, if I ever agree to go out with you the nearest person should Avada Kedavra me on the spot! Get Bent!"

"James, did you go and see Remus at lunch like you said you would? Typical, freaking typical. So wrapped up in yourself you couldn't even go and see him when he needs you!"

"Mr Potter, I'm so sorry. The Order has just been called to a dark mark sighting. It was over your parent's house. I'm afraid they are both dead. We believe there was no torturing beforehand, no pain. My condolences are to you. Is there anything else I may do for you? Of course I won't tell anybody, dear."

"**Nothing personal Potter, you're a good player. I just can't afford for one of your little stunts to cost us the cup again. Come back for try-outs next year, when you've grown up a bit."**

"What. Did. You. Do? What the hell did you do? Remus refuses to see me! He knows about us sending Snape down there last night. He thinks it was my prank. He thinks I almost turned him into a killer. I hate you."

"I'm sorry. I just- Look, James I'm siding with Sirius on this one. You just – you didn't think did you? You never do. Sorry."

"James how could you? I- I trusted you! Oh God, How many people have you told? I-Oh please just leave me alone. I can't believe I ever thought we were friends. I can't believe I trusted you."

"So what, you told him the truth? Well there's a first time for everything! But it's too late; you've blown it all! Why don't you do us all a favour and take a running jump off the Astronomy Tower?"

So that is what he was going to do. Well, it was after curfew and he just couldn't face sneaking out all alone. It would just be a reminder that in the course of one day, one day, he had ruined everything. He had lost all his friends. And family. Everything. James had to hand it to himself that was some feat, how many people had succeeded at?

No he couldn't face it, so he had settled for Gryffindor tower instead. It wasn't quite as high, but it was high enough that an accidental fall would not end in survival. They really should have made it easier to climb out here, he reflected as he watched his luminous orange runners dangle in the black abyss. It had been a simple case of banishing the glass pane and climbing out onto the outer window ledge of the dorm (he had securely bolted the door to save any interruption, not that anyone would interrupt if they knew, they would want to let him get on with it). Simple.

James sighed and took a deep breath. Suddenly he saw the madness of what he was about to do. He was going to kill himself over the problems of one day. But just as quickly the problems came rushing back into his adrenaline pumping mind and he edged himself closer to the darkness; willing it to consume him. The door handle began to jiggle, causing James to start and he turned to stare at it, willing the person on the other side to just bugger off and leave him alone. They did.

He sighed and rubbed his face, sneaking his fingers beneath the lenses of his glasses to wipe away the tears he refused to believe he was crying. He briefly wondered if anyone would miss him. He knew they would get over him pretty quick. His mum and dad were waiting for him. He also wondered whether death would hurt? Only one way to find out…He edged forward another few centimetres.

Downstairs, Peter Pettigrew was coming out of the boy's dormitory staircase, without the Transfiguration textbook he'd gone to get,

"The door's jammed again. I thought the house elves would have fixed it by now," He explained to Sirius and Remus, who were both sitting by the fire talking quietly and not really listening to him what so ever.

"I really am so sorry," Remus was apologising profusely for not speaking to him earlier. "I was angry and I had the wrong impression."

"It's fine. I should probably go say sorry to James too," Sirius contemplated. "I was pretty harsh earlier."

"Me too," Remus nodded tiredly. "But, I was so angry. I accused him pretty badly."

"Yeah, I was a bit short with him as well," Peter said sitting down in the free armchair. "I sort of told him I was taking your side. And I shouted at him this morning over my Transfiguration homework."

At that moment, Saiorse O'Flannagan, Quidditch captain marched over,

"All ready for the match on Saturday, Black?" She asked briskly, bouncing on the balls of her feet.

"Yep, James and I have been practising for this one since term began," He replied, trying to pull up some enthusiasm from somewhere inside him.

"Yes, I really am sorry about letting him go, but no hard feelings, eh? Like I told him at lunch, maybe next year." She finished, spreading her hands in the universe gesture for 'please don't quit because I got rid of your best friend' and spinning on her heel she marched away again.

"She booted James? He didn't tell me!" Sirius exclaimed.

"Well of course he didn't," Remus soothed. "You haven't been exactly chatty with him today, have you? It's probably because of that prank you pulled last year remember? James took the wrap for you and it cost Saiorse the cup so no wonder, really."

"Christ, it's my fault. No wonder James forgot to visit you at lunch. And I told him he was self-obsessed in fewer words." Sirius ran a hand over his face guiltily. "I need to talk to him."

"Hmm, he didn't seem quite himself when he came to visit me. He looked sick. When was the last time you saw him?" Remus asked, his brain running into overdrive as certain things started to add up.

"Well, we, um, had a huge row about a half hour ago. He went to the dorm." Sirius turned in the direction of the boy's staircase.

"He can't be up there, the door is jammed." Peter explained as though they were both slightly backward.

Sirius was trying to think a good comeback when McGonagall burst into the common room, her normally neat bun slightly mussed and her normal air of decorum banished,

"Where is Mr. Potter?" She seemed in a great hurry.

"We aren't sure, Professor." Remus said politely.

"Well I'm sure he won't mind me telling you the message. They weren't his parents. It was a mistake. His parents are still alive. They're in St. Mungo's being treated for burns. Ensure he is told Mr Lupin." She smiled, a very rare occurrence and swept out of the common room. Sirius, Remus and Peter sat in shocked silence.

"He thought his parents were…dead." Sirius almost didn't believe it.

"And we've been so horrid to him today." Remus swallowed. " I was so harsh earlier. I told him I wasn't friends with him and didn't trust him. What exactly did you say to him?"

"I…Oh Crucified Christ! I told him I hated him. I blamed him for you not talking to me. I told him he was a liar and I…oh fuck. I said he should jump off the Astronomy Tower!" Sirius made a strange strangled noise and sank into his seat.

"He would never…" Remus shook his head in disbelief.

"But he hasn't gone to the Astronomy Tower. He hasn't left the Tower, yet." Peter pointed out. "We would have heard the portrait hole even if he had the cloak on."

"He doesn't need to leave to get a tower." Remus whispered. "The door to the dorm isn't jammed, Peter."

Sirius meet Remus' eye and instantaneously they both dashed for the boy's dorm, Peter trailing behind.

Meanwhile upstairs James Potter was slowly counting down from ten. _Ten_. He would miss Quidditch, but he'd been kicked off the team anyway. _Nine_. Maybe Remus would forgive him surely this was punishment enough? _Eight._ At least now Sirius didn't have to hate him. _Seven._ Lily will be glad he isn't there, trying to woo her at every corner. _Six_. His mum and dad were going to be there. _Five._ Peter wouldn't have to choose a side now. _Four._ Maybe Gryffindor could win the House Cup now he wasn't there losing points. _Three._ He would get to see his pet dog, Triskadeskaphobia, again. _Two._ He wouldn't have to hurt anymore. _One_…

A loud cry of _'Bombarda_' came from the other side of the door and it flew open with a bang. Sirius, Remus and Peter all burst in to see James sitting on the windowsill, his eyes red and puffy.

"James," Remus and Sirius began. They stepped forward tentatively as they spoke. James shook his head and gave the beginnings of a sad smile to them before he pushed himself the last few inches off the ledge. Remus and Sirius leapt forward, but their hands were snatching at air.

It felt like flying, he marvelled. Only faster than any broom could go. Then he felt something meet him. There was a second of pain so intense- it was indescribably. It was like being so cold you were hot. Then…nothing. He smiled. He shut his eyes, greeting the darkness with open arms.

"NO!" Sirius bellowed, hanging out the window. His eyes only caught a glimpse of the bright orange converse James loved so much before they were swallow by the dark. He felt like…like his stomach had just fallen out. James couldn't have survived the fall. Tears welled in his eyes and he sank to the floor, holding his head in his hands.

Remus was speechless. So he did the only thing he could think of; he slapped Sirius upside the face. Hard.

"Don't just sit there, we need to get down to him. Peter, go and find McGonagall. Now! Sirius get your broomstick, come on!" He cried urgently, finding his voice and tossing open James trunk and pulling out his broom. God he hated flying, but this was an emergency. Sirius had followed his instructions and was standing ready. They both flew out into the pitch black, dropping into a heart-stopping dive immediately.

After what felt like an age, but was really only a matter of seconds, Remus cried out. He could see a bright orange thing. James shoe. But it wasn't on his friend's foot. They scrambled off their brooms and Sirius snatched the sneaker off the grass where it had been lying all alone. Lighting their wands at last, Remus and Sirius finally realised they had flown at an angle; James was lying twenty feet away to the left.

They rushed over on unsteady legs and collapsed into the grass beside him.

"James, James can you heard me?" Remus said. There was, unsurprisingly, no reply.

James was lying in an odd position. His left leg was twisted at an unnatural angle, clearly broken. There was an unpleasant dark patch oozing out beneath him; Remus felt his stomach turn at the thought of what it was. However, his face was the oddest thing. It was abnormally pale but that wasn't the strangest thing. Where it not for the trickle of blood running from the corner of his mouth, it looked as though James was just having a pleasant sleep. There were actually the traces of a smile on his face and his eyes were closed peacefully. Sirius saw this and shivered with guilt and horror.

"Sirius, can you lift him, we can't wait for Peter to bring McGonagall." Remus said as he removed his hand from James neck, it wasn't really a question. Sirius nodded silently and slid his arms beneath his friend. They stood up and Sirius had never felt relief such as the moment when James curled every so slightly into his chest, his right hand curling into the material of Sirius' shirt with a tiny moan.

They sprinted across the lawns and down the corridors of the sleeping castle, Remus carrying the two brooms and Sirius carrying James' still bleeding body. The wound that had been bleeding so persistently was on his chest and it was soaking into Sirius' white shirt as well, staining crimson in its wake. Seeing this only made them run even faster and they were at the hospital wing in record time.

Bursting through the doors, an urgent Madame Pomfrey and Professor McGonagall were waiting for them. James was pulled away from Sirius and both boys were thrust out into the hall to wait. The doors flapped shut on them and they heard the distinct vacuum noise of a barrier spell.

Sirius was very pale, in contrast to his shirt which was marked a sickening red. Remus on the other hand had gone slightly green and dropped both brooms with a loud clatter. He slumped miserably onto the floor and Sirius soon sat next to him. Their backs were pressed against the wall, but the cool stone wasn't the reason either was shaking.

The barrier spell didn't stop the sound getting through to them. They could hear Madame Pomfrey's frantic shouting, clattering, and suddenly a new sound was added to the cacophony; a chilling screaming. There was no questioning its source. It continued for countless minutes which felt like eons to the two boys until it feel eerily silent. They almost wished for the screaming again.

Then the doors burst open and McGonagall came out.

"Mr Potter is…"

To Be Continued...


	2. A flame in the darkest hour

**Hello my dears, I would just like to apologise for the delay in getting this to you, I didn't realise I was starting back to school again so it had to be postponed until now! Sorry a million times over. Thank you to all who reviewed. Glomps for all!**

"Mr Potter is...stable. But he is still very weak. If you wish to stay with him for the night, Madame Pomfrey will permit it. I shall need to speak with you in the morning." She said, in a shell-shocked voice before walking away in the direction of her own chambers.

Sirius looked at Remus. Remus looked at Sirius. In that moment something unspoken passed between them. Neither was 100 sure of its origin or how it gained its meaning, but Remus inclined his head and spoke very softly.

"I think...maybe, just you should go Sirius. Peter will want to know what's going on and well..." He trailed of and Sirius nodded his understanding and thanks before Remus hurried of in the direction of Gryffindor tower.

Sirus tried his best to take a deep breath and stepped through the doors into the dimly lie hospital wing. The source of the pale light was one bed, surrounded by a turquoise screen. Sirius felt like a swarm of killer bees were buzzing in his stomach, waiting for the perfect moment to sting him to death. He could see the shadow of Mme. Pomfrey and the bed outlined. But, he couldn't see James. Perhaps it was because he could imagine this situation ever containing James, or maybe it was because he just couldn't believe James would ever be so weak. James was always the one who took every blow standing, the one to cast the strongest shadow.

All too quickly, the curtain was directly in front of his face and he was pushing it aside and feeling his heart jolt sickeningly in his chest at he sight before him. Stepping forward it felt like a wave swept over him; it was a muffling charm. As he stepped through it a terrible noise meet his ears; James was crying. James never cried, it wasn't a thing Sirius had ever seen him do. Yet, here he was, doing it.

But, Sirius was beginning to realise, the boy in the bed wasn't the James Potter he knew. This was the James Potter that was constantly hidden away inside/ The side that felt the pain, the rejection, the angst. Not his James, but a part of him.

Hardly breathing he stepped closer to the bed and Madame Pomfrey moved away explaining there was nothing else she could do for him. Sirius was transfixed with the sight before him and didn't take his eyes of James while he asked hoarsely,

"Why hasn't he been given a sleeping draught, or something?"

"If I do that there will be several unpleasant repercussions on the healing curve, which Mr. Potter doesn't need." She said quickly, lifting all the potion bottles surrounding the bed onto a silver tray and walking away, a slightly unnerved look upon her face.

She drew the curtain behind her, leaving Sirius with the wreck that once was James Potter. The boy in the bed was turned onto his right side, away from Sirius, the bed clothes pulled down and showing his naked torso, which, for the most part, was actually covered by a white bandage wrapped around his rib cage. His shoulders shook from the sobs passing through him and his entire body twitched spasmodically.

Reminding himself that if he was going to do this he would require some oxygen in his lungs, Sirius took a deep breath and finally dared to say something to the fragile boy,

"James," He said, and the word came out more remorse-filled than Sirius had realised it would. James jerked around sharply as if he'd only just heard Sirius, his teeth gritting against the sudden pain he'd put himself in. "Easy, just take it easy." Sirius said calmingly, settling into the plastic seat next to the bed.

"Sirius," James gasped, trying and failing to wipe away his tears with shaking hands.

"I'm so sorry, I just-" He tried to sit up, but Sirius easily pushed him back down,

"James, I am the one who ought to be sorry. Me, Moony, Wormtail, we've all been God awful to you today. And I am. I'm more sorry than you could ever realise, i-" He started to explain, but James broke in over him.

"I deserved it. All of it, I had it coming I'm always such an idiot, screwing it up for everyone. I couldn't even kill myself properly for fuck's sake! Just...go, okay? I can't... I can't deal with this anymore. Please," He choked and turned away, still shaking.

"James, mate, you're going to be alright. It's going to be alright," Sirius tried to assure him.

"No it isn't. It just isn't." James whispered, almost to himself. The hopeless tone in his voice was unbearable.

"James," Sirius said again, suddenly fierce. "James listen to me. You are not an idiot. Sure, you make some dumb mistakes, but that is why you are my best friend. Moony forgives you. And tomorrow I will go to Saiorse and tell her the score on what happened last year."

"James didn't move or speak for the longest time. Finally, he slowly turned to look at Sirius again. His eyes were cold; dead already.

"But, you can't bring my parents back." He said in a flat tone.

Sirius could have kicked himself, how the hell had he forgotten that?

"James, they aren't dead. McGonagall told us to tell you it wasn't them just before we came to find you."

"Sirius there is no point lying to me; they're dead." He repeated laboriously pulling himself upright, wincing as he did so.

"I'm not lying, Marauder's honour." He said sincerely, meeting James' hard gaze. A few seconds past, before James did the one thing Sirius hadn't really been expecting. He ducked forward slightly and wrapped his arms around Sirius.

Slightly shocked by the sudden display of affection, even after everything that had happened, Sirius froze. Then he hugged James back tightly.

"I was just...so afraid of...being alone," James whispered. " So scared."

"It's okay, everything will be okay now," Sirius reiterated and James finally found some small belief in his words. "Now," Sirius said and James pulled away from him.

"You need to rest. I'm gunna stick around for the rest of the night...these chairs are comfier than my bed anyway. Oh, here," He held out the luminous orange sneaker he'd picked up what felt like centuries ago. He handed it over, receiving a small smile in return. "Thought you might look odder than usual with only one." James laughed weakly, a flicker of Sirius' James Potter shining through and Sirius just know, he realy would be okay.


End file.
